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I've always hated these things. I've never known what to say, really.

It took me several seconds of thought just to come up with that much. What can I say? I've got problems. To be fair, everyone does... that's why I don't like to talk about mine. I don't want to bog others down. And lately, things haven't exactly been great. I've got many wonderful things, but I'm still not satisfied. For the first time in so long, I once again have a dream. I yearn for the things the future can bring, but I'm also scared. The passage of time not only presents new opportunities, new challenges, and new experiences, but it takes things away, also. It's a harsh double-edged sword, and I guess I can safely say I don't much like it.

I claim to be a Christian, but by the 'standards' set forth on human behavior, I am always ashamed of myself, afraid to live without fear. All of these things come out of me in strange ways, in my words, my actions... Lately, my chest has been heavy with an undeniable depression... almost, a certain loneliness. I ask myself day in and day out, "Where have I gone wrong?" And all I can think is that this is happening for a reason. When I look back through my life, I can almost certainly pick out all of the key events that have led to me here and now. Some of them are bad (actually, most are), but some of them are good. Without these things, I wouldn't have Kristen, or my dream. Though I wanted to for so long, I truly don't believe in coincidence. I do know I've been guided to where I am today. Despite this, I still feel fear. It's inexplicable. No amount of soothing can keep it away long.

Because of this, I always feel stressed out... and that is what skews my image of myself. Rinse. Repeat.

So... if I ever sound like an ass-hole, I have one request. Please remember these things I've said, and know that I don't mean to be like that. I beg in advance: please forgive me.

Otherwise, I'd like to think I'm fairly easy going. If you don't know me, do take a minute to try and learn a bit about me through my journal. If I say anything along the way that you like, let me know. Support comes in all forms, and I could always use a little more support.

To those who have suffered with me this long, thank you. Seriously. Thank each and every one of you (and especially You). :)